Caramelized upside down... what?

I don't like awards shows. No - I freaking HATE awards shows. Let's see... we've got actors, directors, writers and musicians - all of whom (generally speaking) are earning a good living doing something they love. Their lives are charmed, they're catered to constantly and by and large we love them - moreover, most of us are not at all shy about letting them know how much we love them.

You know what, those poor bastards aren't getting enough recognition! We need something more - something better. Dammit, these people need validation!

Feh.

Anyhoo, I do realize I'm in the minority when it comes to this - most everyone I know LOVES these bloody things, and some of them get into them enough that their enthusiasm is almost infectious. Almost. For instance, the Snarky Squab did some liveblogging during Monday night's Golden Globes ceremony. And I have to admit - I was highly entertained by her description of the evening's events. Far more than I would have been if I'd actually watched the damn thing, that's for sure.

BUT. Squab-ster, you know I think you're The Shit™, but I'm going to have to take some serious issue with your unwarranted attack on one Jennifer Love Hewitt. We here at the HSO, we love our JLH - she's our girl in the Forrest Gump sense of things. We will love her forever, and she can do no wrong (have you seen the Garfield movie? She's fucking AWESOME in that one, for reals). So we're going to have to take issue with your statements about her.

"I actually liked her for like a season on Party of Five, you know?" We didn't watch that show - it was for girls. But when we did finally learn that such a pure goddess roamed the earth, we wanted that Bailey kid dead. Very dead.

"But now she's so ... cringeworthy." Take that back, Squab. Just take it back. She's adorable, yet still very sexy, and we lub lubba lubba love her. Cringeworthy? We think not.

"And that dress is like some kind of fucked up carmelized upside down boobcake." ...oh, sorry - what? I was in a bit of a reverie, for some reason. Boobcake.

In the interest of fairness, our crack research staff scoured the internets to see for themselves what the deal with the dress was all about. You know, being thorough and whatnot. Turns out the CBS Early Show's Suze Yalof Schwartz also didn't like the dress - she said JLH looked "awful" and that the dress was similar to a bad prom dress. Get bent, Suze - you're on the list now. When we finally found some pictures of the dress - okay, let's get real, here. We don't know diddly-squat about fashion or dresses or any of that. But we still say our girl looked dandy (and it turns out that Squab's description of the dress was somewhat accurate, but she makes a boobcake sound like it's a bad thing, you know?) - and it turns out she was able to dial in all that hotness in a mere 20 minutes! You go, Jenny.

In summation: Boobcake.