The HSO recaps the Oscars

That's right, the worst Oscar recap you'll ever see. I did watch them, I swear. I didn't go to the swell Oscar viewing party at the Squab household (too tired from Friday night - on the whole well worth it, though), but I did watch 'em, and here are a few things that stood out to me:

DISCLAIMER: I am not a great movie buff - I like what I like for my own reasons, and that can range from something that's generally accepted as good, such as Little Miss Sunshine, to stuff that's generally regarded as utter crap, such as Chronicles of Riddick. In other words, this is very much a "common man's" view.

1. Dear Academy: I know people bitch about the length of the show, but if you're going to have the bloody awards and allow people to speak after they've won one of them, for fuck's sake let them say what they want to say. This bit where y'all start playing music while some poor weeping schmuck's trying to thank his wife is just out-and-out rude. Either don't let them talk at all or let them speak their peace.

2. Will Ferrel and Jack Black are funny - this is indisputable at this point. (Secret message to Will and Jack - don't listen to your boy, stick to comedy. Nobody needs another Continental Divide, and laughing's good for people whether the Academy wants to award it or not.)

3. Will Smith: You simply CANNOT be enjoying yourself that much - it's not possible. Don't get me wrong; I love the man, and have enjoyed just about everything he's done. But he just can't be enjoying himself that much.

4. The shadow dancers, or whatever the hell they were? That shit sucked the root, hard. Made me want to hurt things.

5. Helen Mirren: You are easily the hottest old gal I've ever seen. Seriously. Yowsa.

6. Catherine Deneuve: You come in a very close second. Go on with your bad self, Frenchy.

7. Speaking of, if I were a gal or I swung in another direction, I'd be all about that James McAvoy kid. Dude's got something good going on. Or maybe it's that damn accent, because I've said much the same about Gerard Butler in the past. At any rate, good on ye', lads.

8. I love Forrest Whitaker. Dude is just plain badass. Great acceptance speech.

9. Props to my girl Jennifer Hudson. I won't be seeing your movie, as musicals cause me to break out in fits of murderous rage, but you're from Chicago so I'm down with you. Plus, I thought you handled those asshats in the press room with some real grace (memo to the bitch who asked her if she thought her win cheapened the craft of acting - you know, since other actors have trained so hard and she didn't, or whatever the fuck that was - you suck).

10. He may not have won his Oscar last night, but it's pretty damn clear that Leo OWNS Hollywood. Good on ye' too, Leo - use that shit, somehow.

11. Congrats to Marty - you waited a damn long time for that. Hell, I'll probably even watch your movie, now.

All in all, it was as good a way to kill the evening while I was working out some solo-acoustic stuff as anything else I could have done.