It's All So Clear To Me Now.

Well, thanks to the good folks at WikiHow, I can pretty much guarantee that I won't be single next V-Day:

HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND:
It is usually harder for guys to get a girlfriend than it is for girls to get a boyfriend. For all those who haven't been lucky or are in the love (or lust) department, follow these steps to become Mister Smooth.
Steps

1. Pick a location frequented by a significant number of girls where you feel fairly comfortable, perhaps a place that is conducive to a skill of yours: music, public speaking, or a private intimate conversation.
2. Scope out the pickings. Pick one or two or three. Keep these in your mind as "potentials".
3. If you feel you have gotten to know any "Potentials" well enough to ask them out, go ahead and do it, worst thing that could happen is that she says no, and that's her loss. But not you, you've still got the others.
4. Adapt your appearance. Clean up for a high-class city girl. Dress down for the fun-loving motorbike chick.
5. Be funny. If you're not naturally funny, don't try too hard around her. Pitch jokes to other people first and see how the jokes do with them. If you get no laughs there, just pray, because it's gonna be hard winning a girl without humor.
6. Keep up a good posture, walk steadily and smile. Women do not like slouchers. Bad posture gives an air of lack of confidence. Smiling makes a guy more welcoming. A good walking style, (straight back, a hand in the pocket and taking well distanced strides) gives the impression of intelligence.
7. Talk. Silent guys are annoying. (On the other hand, men who do nothing but talk and never listen are annoying too.)
8. Look and touch. Looking into a girl's eyes shows respect and interest. A firm handshake, a gentle pat on the back, a light touch of the hand and other subtle gestures allow the girl to feel connected with the guy.
9. Feel great. The feeling will radiate and affect the lady too.
10. Don't pretend to be someone you aren't, you may think you will win her round with it but in the end it will backfire. Find a common interest, something you both like. If she likes a band and you don't, lie about it, and listen to them till you change your mind.


Tips

* Put on great-smelling aftershave or cologne. Research the best-selling ones at department stores. A good scent really turns a woman on.
* Guys do not need to look like Brad Pitt to find a girlfriend. Just keep hair, teeth and nails clean and neat. Ladies are quick to notice little details especially in the hands and faces.
* Be a good conversationalist. Read up on the latest in politics, entertainment, arts and even sports news. Women love a well-informed man. It makes him look well-educated and, therefore, richer in every aspect. Or just actually be well-educated.
* Do listen to the lady before responding. Women do not like to be cut off. They like to be considered and feel important.
* Do pay on the first drink, first date, first taxi cab ride, etc. It makes a gentleman out of a man.
* Most importantly, offer to walk or drive the lady home (or anywhere she wants to go). This makes the man seem sincerely concerned for her well-being.
* Don't annoy you girl by texting her every night. If she texts you, reply but unless you have something to say then don't text. It gets annoying when someone keeps texting you saying "i <3 u".
* Don't be unsubtle. Yet it is important not to be so obtuse as to be unreadable.
* Do romantic things for her, like slow dances, holding hands, giving her flowers and candy, and hugs.
* Don't be afraid to diplay your affection in public.
* DO NOT push her to have sex with you if she doesn't want to.
* Be a gentleman! Open car doors for her and remember the "ladies first" rule


Warnings

* Do not stalk the lady!
* Grinning like the Cheshire cat is creepy.
* Taking over the entire conversation is over-bearing and rude.
* Do not insist relentlessly on an offer when the lady has turned it down. It may be that she has no use for or does not feel good about the suggestion. Pushing her to accept will only increase the possibility of rejection.
* Avoid being a close talker. Nobody likes that.
* Don't make disgusting body jokes, or fart a lot. Girls hate that.

And here I thought everyone loved a close talker - go figure. Thanks, WikiHow!