It's About That Time.

As I write this, I'm realizing that my current role in the P.O. will essentially end in a little over a year from now - not to say I won't have ample opportunity to stay here, but if I do my role will change - it'll have to. This project will be over, so I'll need to transition somewhere else - whether that means back to my old department or something different remains to be seen.

More importantly, I'll have the best opportunity to leave that I've had in a long time. So it's time to take a long hard look at my life and determine the answer to one basic question: Do I want to stay in Minnesota? In the end, that's really the question I need to answer. The P.O. is a factor, as are many other things, but - at this point - there isn't anything that would really keep me here.

Now, before this starts to read like an article entitled "Why I Hate the Twin Cities", let me say that I do not, in fact, hate it here. It's fine, all things considered. However, it has never felt like home. And really, that's a problem.

Let's do a little history - just the highlights: I moved here with my (then) wife in May, 2000. We lived here together for about a year and a half before our marriage ran its course and dissolved. Since then I've been in and out of a couple attempts at another relationship (one which just blew up a month or two ago), but none of them have turned out to be anything one can count on, and I've not found myself truly saying "I'm going to stay and try to build a life here with this woman." As I start to list out the facts, I think we'll see how this little bit o' history affects things.

Fact One: I am a heterosexual male who is not interested in living (or dying) alone. My track record over the past nearly 7 years in this area suggests that I may not be in the best place for me to find the companionship I'm looking for (do note that I was only married for a brief period early on in my time here - the rest of the time I've been single and not at all successful). This would indicate that perhaps a change of scenery would be good for me. 5.5 years with nothing much to show for it isn't what I'd call a good run.

Fact Two: In all likelihood I'll have a good skill/experience set when this project is complete - one that actually translates outside of the P.O. So I don't have to stay here, is what I'm saying. This means that a change of scenery is something that's definitely in the realm of possibility for me.

Fact Three: I've spent the last 10+ years teaching myself how to make my music by myself, and I'm pretty damn good at it. I've got some great musician friends and have made some minimal contacts, but I'm not engrained in the local scene - far from it, really. I've also learned from experience that - thanks to the internet and email - it's very possible to collaborate and record with anyone, anywhere in the world. This means that music isn't a reason to stay, either - it's not a reason to leave, but it isn't keeping me here.

Fact Four: I have made some great friends here - as in the lifelong variety. I value these folks very highly, and they've all been truly wonderful to me over the years. It can be said that if it weren't for these folks I wouldn't have survived here to this point, and that wouldn't be a huge exaggeration. I would miss these people if I left, no question - and that is an important consideration, to be sure.

Final Facts: I'm 37 as I write this. I'll be 38 next year when it's time to stay or to go. I never wanted to get this old, and certainly never wanted to be this old and still living like I was in my 20s. The fact of the matter is that I'm not in my 20s anymore, and my outlook and priorities have evolved as one might expect they would. Put simply, I feel the urge to find a Home and to start to consider what I want to do with the rest of my life. If I'm going to actually have to be alive, then it's about time I got down to the business of living. This sitting around biding my time and meanwhile living like some grotesque version of Peter Pan, it's not cutting the mustard anymore. It's time to grow up.

So in the end, what I need to figure out is whether or not I want to grow up here, or whether I need to go someplace else and start over from scratch. For anyone who might be interested, the current list of possibilities (based on nothing more than whether or not I like the place at this point - things like job markets and whatnot are concerns for a bit later on) for where that someplace else might be include the following (in no particular order): Chicago, IL (back to the old hometown area), Madison, WI (back to the old alma mater), Seattle/Bellingham, WA (always had a hankering to live in the extreme upper PacNW, maybe it's time to give it a go), and Boston, MA (similarly, I've always had an interest in this place, and as it turns out I've got a number of friends in the area).

For the record, I'm aware that a year is a fairly long time. I'm also aware that what I'm talking about means I need to do a lot of thinking about what I want and where I can fairly expect to find it.

It's time to start a-thinkin'.