Okay, maybe I'm NOT growing up so much.

Yeah... so while I do seem to be growing up in some ways, certain recent events have forced me to admit that it's not a done deal - and in fact I've got quite a ways to go in some areas. Namely, pride.

I have a little rule about referencing my private life here at the HSO - not that I don't trust all of you out there in the blog-o-sphere as if you were my own flesh and blood, but when other people are involved it seems to me that the right thing to do is keep mum about it, or at most be very vague. Besides, the last thing anyone needs is for me to go all maudlin and blather on endlessly about trivial personal stuff - that's not why y'all come here (all 4 or 5 of you).

That said, I'm dealing with something at present, and that's precisely what's made it very clear to me that while I'm enjoying some growth, I'm far from what could objectively be called maturity.

To put a finer point on it, certain situations have got to a point where someone needs to do the right thing - to extend themselves, take a little risk, have a little faith and be the bigger person. And I'm capable of that, really. I've done it before in many situations, no big whoop, really. So what's different this time that's keeping me from doing it again? Pride. Pure and simple, that's all it is - cutting to the chase, I don't really feel like I should be the one who takes the chance and makes the gesture. I just don't.

And really, that's a pretty silly and childish position to take - I know this. But still... it just chaps my hide something fierce to think that I should have to be the one to take that step when I honestly feel like it's not my responsibility to do so.

BUT, if I don't, it's possible that it won't happen. And really, do I want to know - down the line - that things could be much better/different if I'd just grown up, put aside my pride and done what needed to be done? Given the possible benefit that could be gained, do I want to throw that away on a point of pride?

I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but at the moment I don't know the answer to those questions. Stay tuned.