It's entirely possible that I may be growing up.

Those little moments when you realize you're not quite the knuckle-dragging asshat you used to be are nice things, I've decided.

Case in point: SPG and I were chatting today* about hypothetical "Hottie Calendars" we could make that feature hotties that work here at the P.O., and she was going through her list (meaning it was dudes). It was a good list, and I told her as much. How is that growth, you say? Well, lemme tell you: when I was younger I hated these conversations - not because I couldn't recognize that the guys were physically attractive, but because I knew I was not - at least not when compared to them. And damn, that drove me nuts. I was supremely bent that they got height and muscles and looks and I got bupkus.

But I'm older now. And while I'm not exactly thrilled with what I was given, I've got enough experience and perspective under my belt to know that I got stuff they might not have gotten. I can write a pretty good song. I can sing, and by some miracle other people don't seem to think I sound like a neutered goat (for the record that's exactly what I sound like, though). I can play almost any instrument I put my hands on, at least at a rudimentary level ("Never had one lesson!"). I can express myself well, be it speaking or writing. I've got functioning brains and shit. And at the very least, I've finally realized that I'm not ever going to be tall or handsome or anything like that. It is what it is**, and I can rage against it all futile-like or I can drop it and go forward with what I have. It's actually a pretty liberating realization.

So, I've got that going for me.


*only 4 more days to have important chats like this. Sniff.

**I love this term. Far too much, if you ask some other folks.