Well, that explains a lot.

Rejoice, everyone - ole Punxsutawney Phil didn't see his shadow today, so we're in for an early Spring!

Yeah, right. Some fat, near-sighted rodent fails to see his shadow (as if he can even pretend to grasp the concept of a shadow), so I'm supposed to start pulling out the short sleeves? I think not.

As always, it's the people that make something like this worthwhile.

"It's just kind of fun seeing people go so crazy about a groundhog," said one witness. You don't really get out much, do you, pal?

And this year Phil had some new handlers - one of them said, "It's a lot of work, but it's exciting to know you're a part of one of the most phenomenal parts of American folklore." A lot of work? Really? I mean, aside from having to drag that dirty rodent out and having to smile as he (inevitably) pisses down your arm, just how much work can it really be to pretend the dumb thing has either seen its shadow or not? As for the whole "one of the most phenomenal parts of American folklore" thing, well, he apparently doesn't get out much, either.

I'm somewhat heartened to see that they at least included one dissenting opinion - though oddly enough it came from a guy who walked 30 miles to witness the thing. In fairness, it should be pointed out that the walking thing was both to commemorate his 60th birthday and raise money for breast cancer research. His observation was, simply enough, "It's supposed to get bitter cold this weekend." Ah, the digital age. It's not enough just to predict a nice change in the weather, Phil - we expect quicker service than that.

Finally, reading this article revealed to me where this madness originally comes from; Germany. Let's see... Nazis, Hasselhoff, and weather-predicting rodents. Thanks so much, Germany!