From the mouths of babes.

Okay, more like a 9 year old girl, but that wouldn't flow as well.

I got a stark, cold look into the future last night, in the form of an encounter with the 9 year old daughter of a friend and co-worker. And I am now officially freaked out.

1. After staring at me in a very menacing way for about a minute, she exclaimed "You look like you're Amish!" Must be the beard, I suppose.

2. Of my hat, which looks a lot like this one, but is a good deal more beat up, she asked (in a very accusatory tone) "Why are you wearing a Macy's hat? I tried to explain that it wasn't a Macy's hat and asked if she knew anything about Che Guevara, but to no avail. It was a Macy's hat, and that was that. Damn you, Macy's.

3. Girls at this age are scary - they're starting to get odd crushes on odd people and flex their flirting muscles, but they're also still little girls who like to rough-house and cuddle and whatnot - in other words, the concept of a Body Buffer Zone is completely foreign to them. Basically, if you're new to them and one or both of their parents certifies you as Okay, they're on you like white on rice. Abso-fucking-lutely terrifying.

Once the whole ordeal was over, I pondered it for a while and realized that in roughly 8-9 years I will have THREE such monsters to deal with. I'm not ready for such a thing. My only consolation is that in all likelihood they'll have dealt with me enough by then that I'll be totally boring to them, and they'll save their pre-teen terrorism for some other hapless bloke.